i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
