I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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