So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
