Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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