In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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