i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
