maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
