As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
