You made me cry and you don't even care
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
