:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
