My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
