i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
