considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize