giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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