I could make wine with my vomit
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
