I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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