one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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