Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
What drink are we having for lunch?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
