Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
