some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
