We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
