I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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