I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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