There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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