I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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