His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize