Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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