just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick has a subreddit
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize