chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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