you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You are the jesus of drinking
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
