I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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