I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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