Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
