They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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