She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
