Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
