fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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