Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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