I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
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This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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