All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
