I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
please don't ironically join a cult
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