I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
