my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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