just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
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