im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
