The maid of honor just puked.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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