She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
They are going to name an STD after you.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
