no, he came in my armpit
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
