I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
