I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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