We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
