Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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