Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
