john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
