Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
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My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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