carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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