oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.