he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i want to swaddle you in tequila
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We talked him into tasing himself.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?