Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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