I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I deserve this hangover.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
