I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
